WTF?

Adventures on Planet Telex

Chapter Eight: Nailin' Salin

Switzerland awoke with a scream.

She was not having a nightmare, and she was not in any pain. She was, however, staring into Keith Harrison’s face from about three inches away.

Keith stumbled backwards and landed on his arse with an audible thud. He proceeded to stand up, dust himself off, and desperately act as if he had not just spent to last ten minutes fretting over her.

“Uh, you all right?” he finally asked, trying not to look at her.

She quickly tested each limb, and, having detected no breaks, bleeds, or paralysis, said, “Yeah, I think so. What happened?”

( The conscious always knows what's happening, obvs. )


Word Count: 17,737


SO FAR BEHIND. And also, this chapter was a bitch to write, which is why it sucks. Just sayin'.

Adventures on Planet Telex

Chapter Seven: Anita and Julian's Bogus Journey


Somewhere far away, or possibly not very far at all, Anita was just coming to. The first thing she was aware of was that she was in a considerable amount of pain. This, she quickly realised, was a direct result of being draped rather awkwardly over a large boulder. Presumably she had landed thusly and may very well have shattered her spine. Tentatively, she tried to sit up. Success, albeit a painful one, was achieved.

Cracking various joints in an attempt to relieve the pain, Anita slid off the rock, stretched, and looked around. It was quite obvious that she was not in Kansas anymore ... Arizona, maybe, judging by the reddish brown rocks and arid landscape. She was not, however, about to rule out the possibility of Mars, or, if she was lucky, the Naughty Hottie Deserts on the southern continent of Oh'Beybi in the Nymphodrite galaxy.

With the pain mostly subsided, she started limping towards the horizon, kicking up small clouds of dust as she went. “Hello?” she called, not sure if anyone was there or not. She sincerely hoped that everyone else had landed nearby. In hindsight, what she and Julian had done was incredibly stupid. She intended to give him shit for it as soon as she found him.

( It is a girl's prerogative to blame her boy for everything. )


Word Count: 16,414

Adventures on Planet Telex

Chapter Six: Kris and Jackie's Excellent Adventure


Jackie awoke with a pounding headache. Somewhere between stepping into the blue light and that moment, he had lost consciousness. After waiting a moment for his head to stop swimming, he tried to take in his surroundings.

The first thing he was aware of was that he was lying down; or at least, that is what his vestibular sense told him. He was not entirely sure he trusted his senses at the moment, as they were also telling him that the sky he was staring up at was a deep emerald green, with lighter green clouds so still they could have been painted on. It was like being trapped underneath a finely painted china bowl. He blinked several times, but the colour did not change, leading him to conclude that he had gone either colourblind, crazy, or somewhere very, very strange.

Shifting a little, he realised he was lying on sand, and grabbed a handful, allowing it to run through his fingers. The sensation was familiar, satisfying, and the warmth of it reminded him of the beach. He smiled a little, and turned his head to watch the last of the sand drain out of his hand. When he saw the bright aqua grains, however, he leapt up in surprise.

( The colourblind joke was not, technically, a reference to a particular boy. )


Word Count: 14,983

Adventures on Planet Telex

Chapter Five: Alien Frustration


Everyone in the tree house stared in awe as a seven foot tall blue man with rippling muscles and an impressive green pompadour pulled himself up through the ladder hole. He was clad in what looked like an Olympic swimming suit, bright red, with matching elbow length gloves and knee-high Doc Martin knock-off boots made of vinyl with neon green laces. It was a colour clash nightmare, but no one was about to get close enough to the monster of a being to tell him. Only a nutcase would get that close to a creature so monstrously huge.

“Captain!” Julian and Anita repeated, lunging forward and wrapping themselves around his legs.

The giant blue thing looked down and his attackers, and his face split into a huge grin. “Meddy!” he yelled. “Guess what I found!”

A voice came up from below the tree house and said, “I would imagine you found the quantum capacitor, based on the readings I am currently getting.”

“Nope! Somethin’ better!”

( It's more exciting than Cracker Jack! )


Word Count: 12,934

Adventures on Planet Telex

Chapter Four: And You Thought Your Town Was Weird

It was one o’clock on Sunday afternoon before Julian and Anita were able to confer about The Magic Box. After the ceremony, they were roped into helping with the reception. And the clean-up. And retrieving Jenni and Matt from their honeymoon in the Hazzard tree house. And telling them stories about adventures in space until they fell asleep, at which point both Anita and Julian were ready for bed themselves. They agreed to go their separate ways at that point and try again the next day.

The morning had started with Anita phoning Kris and asking if they could investigate her backyard; she agreed, under the condition that she be involved in their shenanigans, lest they get out of hand. However, she had made the call from her cell phone while stopping at Mick’s for an orange juice, and Jackie, working the morning shift, had overheard. Bored with life and fascinated by the concept of shenanigans, he insisted on tagging along. Anita agreed, because she figured it was always good form to have an adorable French-Canadian around.

( She obviously has not met very many French-Canadians. )

Word Count: 11,056

Adventures on Planet Telex

Chapter Three: Jenni in Space

Saturday morning dawned much as it always did: quiet, calm, and far too fucking early. The town’s adult population (and a significant proportion of its teenage population as well) groaned, rolled over, and pulled their pillows over their collective heads. As in every year past, the Spirit Week Wrap-Up and extended late into the night, turning into a raucous beer bash once the kids had been put to bed. Thus, the sun rose over streets littered with trash and lawns littered with unconscious bodies that in a few hours would rejoin the world of the living and immediately regret the move. Aside from the occasional twitter of birds, the town was silent.

Such silence was deeply appreciated by Julian as he strolled down the street, hands in the pockets of his pinstriped pants. He held his suit jacket casually over his left shoulder and knew already that the day was going to be far too hot. He should not have worn the powder blue shirt – it showed sweat stains far too easily. But then again, it was the only clean shirt that matched the lone tie in his closet, and he certainly was not going to spend the entire wedding feeling self-conscious about how his colour coordination.

( At least he isn't colourblind. )

Word Count: 8,433

Adventures on Planet Telex

Chapter Two: Putting the ‘High’ in High School Musical


Julian and Anita approached the vividly pink Kissing Booth and stopped dead in their tracks, mouths dropping open. “Get out!” Julian cried.

“Switz?!” Anita squeaked.

Running the booth was Switzerland, Anita’s utterly chaste best friend. The lithe blonde girl had never had a boyfriend, or even a date, or, to Anita’s knowledge, even been kissed.

“Have you ever even been kissed?!” she added, desperate to confirm her knowledge.

Switzerland grimaced. “Not properly, no.”

“Aw, muffin,” Anita sympathised, leaping up on the booth ledge and wrapping a supportive arm around her shoulder. “Do not worry, kisses are totally overrated.”

“Tell me about it.” Switzerland rolled her eyes. “Twelve year old boys are creepers.”

Anita scooched away. “Ew.”

“Please tell me this is for a good cause,” Julian added, regarding the booth with considerable distaste.

“A dollar to cancer research gets you a kiss. Looks of disgust are free.”

“Atta girl!” Anita said proudly. “We will get you a proper first kiss yet!”

“Yeah? Define a proper first kiss.”

( Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang, Wink Wink, Nudge Nudge, Say No More, eh? )


Word Count: 5,776

Adventures on Planet Telex

Chapter One: Party in a Small Town


Jackson Taylor Teague High, established in 1972 in the town of Oak Ridge, was a respectable establishment of education. The majority of its students were on the honour roll, the teachers were well liked and well compensated, and both school teams – boys’ volleyball and girls’ ice hockey, The Fightin’ Aardvarks – came in sixth at the previous year’s provincial championships. When the plaster crumbled, the janitor lovingly patched it; when the paint peeled, Harry Haloran of Harry’s Hardware and Haberdashery happily donated a fresh can of Mennonite Blue; and when the superintendent made her yearly visit, the students loyally stood in front of the “EL BURRITO” graffiti that simply refused to wash off over eight years later.

Yes, Jackson Taylor Teague High turned out fine young adults well prepared for the real world, with its real issues.

It also prepared them for real parties, and never was this more evident than at the annual Spirit Week Wrap-Up, celebrating the final day of classes before Spring Break.

( YOU GOTTA FIGHT! FOR YOUR RIGHT! TO PAAAAAAAAAAAARTY! )


Word Count: 2,876

Miscellaneous characters who may or may not appear. It's a surprise!

( OTHER )

As friends of the main characters, these characters will likely be referred to, but will probably never actually appear.

( LOCAL KIDS )

The vast majority of these characters are completely irrelevant to the story. But what the hell, it's fun to pretend my characters are well-rounded, with backgrounds ans stuff.

( FAMILY )

( MAIN CHARACTERS )

Right, at vzg's insistence, I'm going to attempt the challenge at wtf27. I'm probably going to stick to the Torchwood fandom, just because it'll be hella fun. I'll probably end up doing plenty of crossovers, though.

And I swear, I will do this. I've felt the urge to write, I've got the summer ahead of me, and dammit, crack is way more fun to write than those serious challenges.


THE TABLE

001.	Genderswap.	002.	Transformation (animals).	003.	Transformation (inanimate).
004.	Wings.	005.	Tentacles!	006.	Mpreg.
007.	High School AU.	008.	Apocaylpse Now.	009.	Supernatural (creatures).
010.	Supernatural (powers).	011.	Fantasy AU (traditional).	012.	Fantasy AU (urban).
013.	Fuck or Die.	014.	Pornstars.	015.	Hookers.
016.	You see, I woke up gay.	017.	Trading Places.	018.	Forced Union.
019.	Timeshift.	020.	Aliens.	021.	Doppelganger.
022.	Twins/Non-Canon Siblings.	023.	Out Of Time.	024.	Slaves.
025.	Media Crossover.	026.	Spies and Agents.	027.	OMG we forgot ____.

ALL RIGHT. I finally picked a title, much as it sucks, so I can post the epilogue. IT IS DONE.




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FINAL WORD COUNT: 53,300

Damn.

TEH EPIC FINALE.



Word count: 53,046

Just an epilogue to go. FINALLY. Yeesh.

AND STILL NO TITLE, WTF.

And you thought I'd forgotten.


Word count: 50,864

All this time, and still no title. I fail.

I originally planned to use this as a last minute filler chapter, but it wound up being actually kind of critical to the plot. Plus, it was fun. :D


Word Count: 50,080

I've written most of Chapter Seventeen, and I expect to wrap it all up in Chapter Eighteen. Maybe an epilogue.

AND I STILL DON'T HAVE A TITLE. Grah, help me!

This chapter includes the one stupid joke that I have been trying to get to for 42,000 words. Seriously, it's a terrible joke and my most (only?) avid reader won't even get it, but dammit, this whole story exists solely to make this one joke.

Also, I would like to take this opportunity to exclaim: SEE? EVERYTHING EVENTUALLY COMES TOGETHER. SORTA.

Word count: 42,428

Yes, I wrote over 10,500 words this weekend. WTF. AND I STILL NEED A TITLE. If you have any ideas, let me know.

OH. OH. And next  chapter? We finally move on to the part that I have been looking forward to since I started planning this thing. QUESTIONS WILL BE ANSWERED. WOOHOO.